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[Asriel notices the finger-twitching, and he's a little worried that something's wrong with Mettaton. He'd fought a lot, right? Maybe he'd gotten hurt or damaged...

He glances up, wanting to ask if he was okay. But he didn't want to upset Mettaton again, so he carefully places the cards back into Mettaton's hands. Asriel's eyes linger on him a little longer than he means to, enough for him to realize that he hasn't actually said anything.]

A-ah, no I haven't... can you teach me how to play?

[There aren't any signs of anger, but he does seem more nervous than he usually is. He'll remain just as outwardly cheerful as long as Mettaton does the same.]

[mttbrandlegs]

Of course I can!

[The damage is deeper than the physical. Even though he had been given a moment of clarity after killing the spider, Mettaton hadn't fully recovered himself. There's still a level of instability that no friendship can make go away.

He's only vaguely aware that the timeslip has something to do with it.

Once he has all the cards, Mettaton begins to shuffle again, forcing his hands to stop shaking as he explains the rules.]

We'll each be dealt seven cards from the deck, all of which have a number and a suit--diamonds, hearts, spades, and clubs. They are numbered from two to ten, with ace being the one, and then the face cards: jacks, queens, and kings. Since there's four suits, there's four of each card.

[His explanation runs a little on the dry side--there's a smile on his face but his excitement's not there. Still, it's succint, and he finishes it off while dealing out the cards.]

In Go Fish, the goal is to make four-of-a-kind on your side out of the cards you have, and the cards you draw. Those are called "books." So say I take the first turn, then. I would ask you for a number of card. If you have it, then you'd need to hand any cards of that sort over. If not, you tell me to "go fish," and I must draw, and my turn would end. But! If you do possess the number I ask for, you would need to pass it to me, and then I have an opportunity to ask for another card, so on and so forth. If I get four-of-a-kind, I place them face-up on the table and they're effectively out of play. The game continues until all the cards have been set down in this manner.

[He gives a small chuckle, setting the remainder of the deck between them.]

It's easy. Would you like to go first?

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[Asriel glances over his hand, trying his best to pay attention to the rules. It can be a nice little card game, something fun between them instead of constant fear and worry.

They should be relatively safe in here too.]

That sounds easy enough. Um... I'll go first.

[A pause.]

Do you have... eights?

[mttbrandlegs]

[Mettaton's eye skims over his hand.

Hah, very lucky boy. He singles out one card, revealing it to Asriel--eight of spades.]

Good guess.

[His smile is almost genuine as he hands the card over. But then, before he can stop himself--]

Sorry. I mustn't have shuffled the deck well enough.

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[Asriel perks up, pleased that his guess was correct. He'll reach out for the card, and the smile twitches a little when Mettaton apologizes. He's been apologizing a lot - much more than Asriel thinks is normal, but they've both been pretty stressed lately, haven't they? Even with Asriel's reassurances, it doesn't seem to be enough.

He... never was all that good at being a good friend. Not with Mettaton, not with Frisk or Chara.]

I-it's fine! I'm sure it's shuffled well enough... um, I go again, right? Do you have any fours?

[mttbrandlegs]

[No it's not no it's not you did it all wrong and he's lying to you]

Go fish!

[Mettaton glances down at his hand, his thoughts already spiraling. This was stupid. He was being stupid, normal monsters didn't think this way. Not even Napstablook was this down on himself!]

...Any sixes?

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[If Asriel notices anything off, he isn't acting like it. There's been a weird tension to their past few conversations - a tension that Asriel was somewhat used to, and it oddly reminded him of times when he spoke and said the wrong things to Chara without realizing it.

But as cheerful as Asriel tries to be, his own exhaustion keeps slipping through. He was getting tired. He needed to make sure there was enough fuel in the ship to get where they needed to go, the controls seemed like they were a little loose and he doesn't trust the mechanic he talked to last time because he knows his own ship and he has to get everyone home so he can go back to being dead like he's supposed to be get everyone and himself home.]

Ha ha, looks like you found two of my sixes!

[And Asriel flashes the two cards he's holding.]

[mttbrandlegs]

[For the moment, Mettaton seems pleased, and he reaches a hand out to take the cards.]

Well! I suppose we're both lucky!

[Indeed. It was long odds that they'd both get a successful turn in. He's not complaining though, the excitement and distraction was welcome.]

How about any aces?

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Go fish!

[He's got one king in his hand, but that's about it. Maybe if he just concentrates on the game, it'll ease his nerves. Speaking of that king though...]

Got any kings?

[mttbrandlegs]

[Mettaton draws his card, then gives a little shrug before handing it over. Yep. He drew a king.]

I'm starting to think you've rigged it!

[Or that he hadn't shuffled well enough, but he'd already apologized for that, surely he didn't need to do it again?

There were more grievous things to apologize for...later!

Later, he couldn't do this now, no. He wasn't going to be selfish.]

You know, I don't think this is much of a king, your father isn't printed on the card!

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Haha... I guess I'm just lucky.

[Haha ha...]

Heh, it kind of suits him. He'd so have a card that's just called a "king".

[His expression falters a little. He's still having fun, but the thought of his dad makes him a little hopeful that maybe after all this, he'll get to see him. What would Asriel even say to him, after all this time? Is he even going to get the chance to see his dad?]

But the picture on it needs more fur, and a big yellow beard too!

[mttbrandlegs]

Of course he would. He is pretty good at naming things, isn't he?

[A joke, of course. Funny, right?

During the gap of time in which Asriel was likely thinking of his next call, Mettaton glances at the cards idly.]

I should have made MTT-Brand Playing Cards back home. I'm surprised the idea never occurred--then again, copyrights and such, it would have taken time I suppose.

Not that I would mind it now. Time spent back home would be a blessing.

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Yeah, he is.

[Asriel misses him a lot, though he's glad his dad never ended up on this ship. The topic of home comes up again, and Asriel feels his chest tighten.]

Maybe you'll have the chance... when we get back. I'm sure there's plenty of monsters who'd love to have them.

[...]

You miss home a lot, huh?

[mttbrandlegs]

I'd have thought that was rather obvious, given how often I talk about it.

[While the tone isn't out of place for Mettaton--he is known to be a little sassy, after all--he does feel regretful immediately after what he says. Asriel doesn't deserve his sarcasm, especially not in this situation.

Sighing, the robot sets his cards down and shakes his head.]

Look, I shouldn't have come here. I'm sorry, I need to go, before I ruin things. God, I'm so selfish.

[He moves to get up.]

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[And there it is. Asriel's hurt him again, he's said the wrong thing again, because all he can do is mess up.

He curls up a little, pathetically wishing he didn't exist.]

W-wait! Please don't go... please don't leave me! I-I'm sorry, I messed up... I won't bring up home anymore s-so you can stay! We were having fun, right?! W-we can keep playing!

[mttbrandlegs]

You didn't. Asriel, you didn't, it's me! It's my fault, don't you get it?! I can't...function. Something's wrong with me--everything is wrong with me!

[He gives up entirely on getting to his feet and just flops back onto the blankets before rolling onto his side. He couldn't bear to look at Asriel right now, he felt so guilty.]

What happened to being a star? What happened to smiling and laughing and encouraging others? All I can do anymore is hurt them. Hurt you, and Frisk. I project on everyone, just like Tabris says, because I can't truly understand anyone, just solve their problems based on my own, as if it even works! And now there's Bucky, and all he does is feel displaced because I'm not the Mettaton he knows.

[He brings a hand up to cover his own face.]

I'm not the Mettaton I know...and that's my fault. It is not yours.

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No, no! You're...

[Asriel trails off, unable to continue. While it doesn't matter to Asriel who Mettaton is, Mettaton clearly isn't happy with the kind of person they are right now. Asriel wants to tell him that doesn't matter - but it does, doesn't it? Asriel could reassure him how much he matters to them a hundred times, but Asriel hates who he is too.

And how could Asriel dare to tell Mettaton to be happy with himself, when Asriel can't stand his own self? His eyes close, tears prickling at his eyes. No, he doesn't want to cry again.]

Y-you... you never hurt me. But I've... I've hurt and lied and killed so many times, that I can never go back to being who I used to be. Who I wish I could go back to being more than anything.

I'm...

I'm so sorry, Mettaton. I can't save you, mom, or Frisk. I can't save anyone. I wish I could be the kind of person that could.

[But he's not. He's someone who shouldn't exist, who was brought back and broken and made into something that isn't even a person or monster or anything anymore.]

[mttbrandlegs]

How can you say I've never hurt you? Physical pain isn't the only type, and I've said...so many things I never should have..

[Mettaton says it quietly, still not able to look Asriel in the eye. As far as he saw it, Asriel had his reasons for everything he had done. What did Mettaton do any of this for? Anything he did could be boiled down to satisfying himself. Everything he'd just said and more!

Hell! He'd even gotten intimate with J while still mourning the loss of Papyrus...]

Even if you could save me by your own power, there's nothing here to save. Nothing but a selfish little ghost who would have murdered people. Nothing but a selfish robot who would oppress people if he had a chance.

You're a child. Children make mistakes and they can be forgiven. I forgive you...even if you don't.

An adult like me who knows what he was doing? That is unforgivable.

[Mettaton wasn't actually trying to make it out like Asriel's pain was any less than his own, but...at this point, he couldn't find a single positive thing about himself. This had been building for a while.]

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[Asriel goes quiet, his heart aching and his eyes all watery. He rubs at his face uselessly.]

... You've said hurtful things, that's true.

[But he's been so unspeakably cruel. And he knew what he was doing, a child or not. He killed his own sibling - no, he killed both of his siblings. Destroyed timelines without a second thought to the lives he's ripping away, and he's tortured his own monsterkind just to see what would happen.]

But you tried to save me too, and you came to comfort me when I was sad or scared too. Even if I'm weak... even if I'm a coward and I shouldn't really exist, I want to keep trying to save you.

[If Mettaton is turned away from Asriel on the blankets, he'll feel a weight against his back as Asriel flops down too. This is what you do when you feel bad, right?

He's rambling and he doesn't mean to, but...]

Even if you don't forgive you... I forgive you.

[Mettaton does things that scares him. Mettaton has said things that's hurt him. But he means so much to him, and he's shown Asriel kindness and friendship that Asriel knows he doesn't deserve.]

You're my family now. I'm gonna care about you no matter what. So please just... just stay my friend, okay?

[mttbrandlegs]

[Mettaton is still facing away from Asriel as the young boss monster speaks, but the way his shoulders stiffen, and the way he shifts uncomfortably...it's clear that he's listening.

God...he wishes he could tell Asriel that there's no reason to be so down on himself.

But he can't. He'd seen too much.

And yet...]

Asriel...I. I will always comfort you when I can. I don't think you're weak. And if you ever stopped existing, I don't know that I could bear it.

[He feels the weight of the boy close to him, and it causes him to slowly turn and face Asriel. Mettaton can't cry like this of course, but he looks fit to do so. There's such a tired, agonized look on his face as he slowly reaches out to hug Asriel.]

You will always be my friend. Do not ever think otherwise, sweetheart. Even if I...say awful things, and I'm the worst monster I know. Even with all that, don't think I hate you or that I would ever want to be anything but a good friend to you.

I'm...I'm so sorry. I'm very sorry, Asriel, this is--this is what I meant, I just cannot keep from spoiling anything. I thought if we could play a game, it would be okay but every time I do something...it turns out poorly because I can't think of anything happy. Only the bad things. I am so frightened of being alone, but I can't keep positive when I'm with a friend either...

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[That's okay, Asriel's got enough tears to spare for the both of them. His vision's a little blurry, but the moment Mettaton pulls him in for a hug, the tip of Asriel's snout pushes under Mettaton's chin.

Asriel knows Mettaton isn't a monster in the same way that he is, and maybe this kind of affection was weird to ghosts or robots. Without realizing it, a soft growl rumbles in the back of his throat.

Mettaton telling Asriel that they'll always stay friends causes him to shut his eyes tightly, in an attempt to stop a fresh wave of tears.]

I - I'm scared. I'm really scared. I'm scared of going home, I'm scared of this ship, I'm so scared of leaving it too.

Instead of playing games and trying to be positive, can we just... I dunno, can we just be scared right now? Because I've tried being positive and I've tried distractions but nothing works.

[mttbrandlegs]

[If it's strange, Mettaton doesn't show it. Instead, he gently nuzzles back, a quiet shudder passing through him. When he speaks, his voice sounds quiet and vulnerable. There's no more pretense.]

I'm tired of pretending. I am scared. If nothing is going to feel alright, then at least we can admit what we need to feel.

[So yes. They can be scared together. Even if it isn't helpful, it's at least honest.]

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[This was far more comforting than trying to play games or pretend that everything was all right. He didn't need any of that, he just... needed someone to be scared with him.

Asriel feels a wave of sudden exhaustion. It's probably from curling up against his friend, but he doubts he'll get any kind of actually rest.]

I'm tired of pretending too. I... I just don't want to feel like the only one who's scared.

Haha... that's a pretty selfish thing to say, huh?

[mttbrandlegs]

I don't think so. And so what if it is?

I think you deserve to be selfish right now. The captains owe us a lot. The captains haven't...been real captains even from the get-go.

[Almost instinctively, he begins to pet the top of Asriel's hair, ruffling the fringe of fur there, his eye closing. God, he just wants to cry his soul out.]

We didn't ask for this. I didn't ask for any of it...

And you do not deserve any of it. You should not feel as if you need to shoulder the burden of saving anyone. You should be having fun, like a good child. The one I know you are.

[An uneasy smile curls his lip.]

You're good, Asriel. Whatever happened before, you are a good person. Please believe me when I say that. So much...so much of the time, I couldn't imagine picking myself up and doing anything on the ship, not if I didn't have your friendship to look forward to.

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[You're good.

Just hearing that from Mettaton is enough to make Asriel want to curl up against him bawl all over again. It was hard to believe that sometimes, when he's been made to feel like he's nothing. And harder to believe, when he's killed so easily - and this time, he didn't have Flowey as an excuse.

Asriel squeezes his eyes shut, letting himself just feel Mettaton's hand on top of his head. It was comforting, and in a rare moment, Asriel feels safer.]

T-thank you. That means... that means everything, coming from you. You don't deserve any of this either.

I really hope you find the happiness you're looking for, Mettaton. I really do. And I'll support you no matter what, okay?